Little thought in the middle of the day

Do you know how it feels to miss someone so much, but you can not do anything about it? How you remember how he used to be to you, and how you remember how much he loved you. To be honest, I don't.
But I'm trying to understand the sparks in her eyes.
I try to understand that feeling, loving someone who used to love you.
I try to understand how it feels to have nowhere to go, stuck in the corner,
I try to understand how bad you miss someone, but you're not able to say it.
That hurts, a lot.
Sometimes, people make mistakes.
You'll never know what you got until you lose it.
Sometimes, everything is just too late. You feel like if only.
And maybe, that's the only thing you can do.
Some people need a lesson :)

Inhibitor

So you and him work like an enzyme. You feel like you both are meant to be together, and you fit for each other.
To you, there will be no one else that would understand you like he does.
And just like enzyme and its substrate, you both work specifically and effectively, creating days full of love.
But enzyme-substrate relationship doesn't go that smooth.
There's this thingy called inhibitor. It has several ways to work in e-s relationship. Inhibitor can takes over substrate's place, or silently 'flirt' with the enzyme and change the active side of the enzyme, and then the substrate will be left alone.
Similar thing happens in a relationship.
But we are neither enzyme or substrate. We can decide whether we want to be interfered with the inhibitor or not.

Sometimes, or in my case,most of the time, the inhibitor is the past. No matter how much I believe that the past stays in the past. It knocks me down.
It pushes me to the deepest corner, and I can't fight back.
It feels like something great is tearing me down, and there I am, left, all alone.
And to be honest, when you love someone, you'll be surprised at how much you are willing to give to that person.
You'll be surprised that you are somehow afraid of losing him, eve though you know that he's not going anywhere.
This inhibitor, is maybe the worst enemy in a relationship.
When you overcome this, you'll be free.
Yes, sometimes you have to be much stronger than you've ever been.

quote "I don't want to leave" unquote

In a relationship, there comes a time when you somehow doubt your partner and the future of both of you.
Time when words aren't enough to describe how you feel,  when you just can't understand why your partner is making you sad.
You think, and think, and think.
And then there's this question
"what if we have to say good bye?"
I wasn't surprised. But still, that thing scares me.
I have been asking this question to God. And I come to a request, sort of a demand.. that if we have to say good bye. Don't break his heart. Break mine.
And so I said, "I'll let you go"
Then there was a long pause.
He answered "I don't want to leave"
Speechless. I try to tell him that if being with me doesn't make him happy, he can leave. It's his right.
I have made a lot pf problems.
In fact, most of our fight are about my schedule. LOL.
But yet he said "I don't want to leave"
Love means sacrifice.
At first I don't understand what's the meaning of it,
but now.. I think I do.
The wind blows hard, the water gets rough.
Yes, we are tired with all those arguments,
yet, we don't want to leave.
I choose to stay.