Only by His grace

I am sitting in the middle of papers, piles of work, done and undone, important and unimportant, and think, "wow, I have come this far"
I flash back my memories from the past 3 years, how what I am doing now was only a dream.
Back then I was only a dreamer.
I dreamed of having an active blog, I dreamed of being in an event organizer, I dreamed of being, err, useful? hahaha
Well the point is, this was just a dream.
And it is only by His grace, I can come this far.
Without Him, I am nothing.
This post is my thank You note to God, what a wonderful and amazing life He has given to me.
My family, is one of God's greatest gift to me. An amazing dad, a wonderful mother, and well, my handsome brother.
Yes, he's handsome. He deserve a worthy wife later on ;)
And my friends, they are those who always make my day.
Thanks thanks thanks and thanks a lotttttttttt
Only by His grace, I can come this far.
It is only by His grace, truly.
None of what I did makes me come this far.

And the best part is knowing, that whether I'm on top, or in the deepest and darkest phase of my life, He will always be there.
Thank You Lord, for blessing me much more than I deserve.

5 years from now

You know, I did went crazily in love with someone.
And to be honest, it was an one-sided love.
Thanks to facebook, I now able to re-read all my status updates from 2 years ago, and i found one that became an inspiration for this post.
"5 years from now, will this matter?"
Thank God I don't take 5 years to get rid over this!
It will be a total mess!
I remember how messy I was, how his sudden change of mood can affect mine. How everything magically evolves around him. Well who is he?
 Yes, so weird. Me myself think that I was a freak. Or maybe I still am? Well whatever.

Now I know how far I've come.
A transformation from an unstable emotion to now.
hahaha how weird, I don't think I'm that good.

And that time, I questioned myself. 5 years from now, will this matter?"
Maybe, my feelings and unstable emotion doesn't.
I don't think it is.
Feelings change, and as time goes by, emotion also transforming.
But what I've learned from him, well, they do.
And it's never been a waste, been crazily falling in love with him.

I also did asked myself, "Would it be better if I haven't met you?"
That time I regret it, why did I ever know him, and, well, all the stuffs that goes around him.
But now, I am so thankful.
If it weren't for him, maybe I will never know how it feels to be crazily in love.
And if it weren't for him, I will be in an meaningless relationship by now.

And I found another one "Everything is beautiful in His time"
Okay, 2 years from that, it is.
But O my, 2 years??
Who would want to wait that long?
But for the record, the lesson is worth the wait. I may say. But who knows that I should wait this long?
People say, you will regret things you didn't do then the things you did. Guess what? They're right! So be brave, fall in love, take chances, do things you didn't dare to do! And enjoy life.

Sorry for some unworthy posts, promise I'll post something better next time.
Stay focus! Be blessed.

Unspoken words, unspoken worlds

I actually copy this title from this link : http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.2249603840525.2105735.1261108288&type=1]

You can check it out, for pictures worth more than a thousand words.
Today my friend and I were doing a charity, for grandmothers and grandfathers in a place near my old school.
At first I was excited, I get a lot of things from this, and to be honest, it was nice to be with them, they told us a lot of stories.

But then, this evening, I saw this picture.
And it makes me think, this is the real charity.
To be with those who aren't lucky to be in a clean and good environment, and share something with them.
I often close my eyes to things like this.
There was one time when I was driving with my instructor, we were learning to park in an abandoned face, then he, my instructor spotted an old man bleeding in the corner of the building. And we were like o my God.
We were in the middle of nowhere, with another instructor and his student, and a police who called for an ambulance.
There was nothing else we can do better.
And I didn't do much. I miss that opportunity to help the poor. I am selfish, and I need to work that out.
Often, many of us do things that we want.
And, it's not like I don't like the charity thing I just did, but looking to this pictures, I'm ashamed of myself.
What have I done for them?
Write this posts?
This isn't enough!
Write things, take a picture of them, but then, what?
I just sit still, maybe reply some comments about this, and done.
Maybe, if we care more, well, world won't be this messy.
The old me would say "It's their fault that they have gone to this phase, what have they done when they were young??"
Yes an ugly truth, I am not that kind.
Maybe I should stop writing, and work things out.
Well, what do you think?

Beyond words

Have you ever smell the rain? Feel the breeze of the mountain? Or see a lady bug climbing the leaf?
Many writers have tried to define this.
The smell of the rain, the breeze of the mountain, or maybe, the simplest thing of our mother nature, the sea.
The beautiful wave, the color, the purity of the water.
They use words such as blue, green, freshening, beautiful, and else.
But to someone who have never seen the sea, this words aren't enough.
When they finally get to see one, not even a word the writer used can match that. Because the sea is so beautiful. One of the gift Mother-earth has given to us.
It goes the same as rain forest and the mountain. People use words like the green and amazing view. The wind, the smell of it. But again, I must say, they are all beyond words.
Just like love.
Many writers, have tried to describe love. Through poetry, stories, they have tried to describe the beauty of love in every way possible.
I bet, most of the books you have read is about love.
Me too, through most of my posts have tried to describe love. To define what love is.
But one must experience it themselves to understand it.
The smitten kitten moment, when everything in the world becomes beautiful.
When his smile becomes the most beautiful thing on earth.
When you jump as soon as your phone rings wishing it was him calling.
I can go on and on, pages through pages, but, what is words after all?
You have to experience it yourself to know this feeling.
Be brave to fall in love.
Yes, it's not always a happy ending.
Yes, in love we struggle with a lot of what ifs and if only.
But what is life without some broken hearts?
That is the way for you to appreciate the real one, dear.
My notes for you, whoever reading this,
don't be afraid.
What if it doesn't work? But what if it does? What if he's the one?
Well, if he's not, my bad. Find the right one by being the right one!
Have a blessed weekend guys!

Bullying

You know, i was walking down the neighborhood to buy some daily needs,and there she was, my first enemy. She was so evil. She used to say that I'm ugly, I'm worthless, I  am no good and such things.
I was only a first grader in my elementary school. And she was in middle school.
She used to step on my feet, hard. And i have to pretend that I don't feel anything. Yup, that hurts.
The she has this evil mother that used to be my course teacher.
Apparently, I really wan't that good, so I need a course teacher.
And like mother like daughter, they were both evil.
She did said I was no good without her and that kind of thing. And I may seem like I don't care, or I may look like I don't understand, but I do. And deep down it hurts. It was the kind of bullying that I can't forget until now.
One day when the vacation was about to start, I asked a permission from my mother to skip class. The evil . teacher used to go to my house everyday. Imagine that, huh? Dealing with some kind of... err, witch? everyday. Well that was really something. And my mom said, okay, i can skip class. So I planned that evening to be out biking with some friends from the neighborhood. But, darn I was too late. She came in early.
So I told my younger brother to go and tell her to leave, that I am not home.
He did. But he was wayy too innocent, so he opened the door to her.
And the drama started. She yelled and yelled and i was remained still, hiding in the bathroom. She yelled "get out of there or I will call your mom!"
And I said "I am not afraid" and she yelled pretty much the same thing over and over until she was exhausted. But then she started to call me "an ungrateful kid and a girl who has no manners" and I think i have lost my mind back then. I called her "an evil witch" and every ghosts that i know (you know, kuntilanak and friends?) and she sobbed, or so I heard.
I managed to stay in the bathroom for 5 hours, or less. Maybe more. I can't recall. I was in 5th grader and that night, is freedom.
The reason I am telling you about this isn't to humiliate my ex-course teacher or my first evil girl. But to warn you. Don't say things that may hurt someone's feeling. You don't know how much it hurts, don't you?
It may lasts for a long time. So stop bullying. Cyber, or not.
Not everyone is as hard as steel. The have a heart. Some are fragile. Some are not.
So be nice.
Have a blessed new year guys.